My annoyance with people is that I end up getting too attached to them. They ask me to tear my skin open and to bear my fragile, pulsing heart. They want to be witnesses of what goes on inside of my quiet exterior. They find me intriguing
when I don’t say nothing at all, or when I push them away. They tell me to care, to hold on to them because they would never leave.
Then, with a blunt blade, I allow them to puncture my thoughts and suffocate my destined desires while converting them into an element in the air that gravitates towards those people as my center. My balance is shifted; I require them to function in that current state. Then they leave,
either slowly or swiftly. It doesn’t matter though because my desire is to function in the equilibrium they set for us, and I insanely refuse to let go of that beautiful idea of forever that they proposed to me. I refuse to let them go
, but it’s like grasping water with my fingertips
. No one can ever hold on to water, but I try my hardest to the point where I should realize that my constant attempts should put me in an asylum. I belong in an asylum.
Normally people can’t stand to be alone, but that’s not my fear. I am terrified of giving people a part of my soul and then having them walk away with those pieces.
Plato was right when he said we were all whole humans once. But not because there is another soul-mate out there for us whom we constantly are in search for, but because we give pieces of it to people who come in our lives and they take it with them when they leave. I guess I will never be complete again, and maybe I will always lack something. I will always lack something to keep me from being weary, but I will never learn, or maybe I will. Maybe one day I won’t allow my internal organs to be exposed. Maybe one day I won’t show how my heart thinks and how my brain feels. Maybe one day I will be strong enough to be weak. Strong enough to be a coward and refuse the entrance of strangers into the wall I built for myself. One day, I hope to be strong enough to be weak, again.